Insecurities
by Mako-clb
Summary: Darien comes to a realization about himself and his relationship with Serena.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, DIC and a bunch of others that aren't me. The story, however, is mine. All I ask is that you not sue me since I have no money anyway. 

Author's Notes: First off, let me thank a few people. Razzz, your story "Man to Man" inspired me to write this, so I hope you like it. Thanks to Chris Davies, whose never ending supply of Sailor Moon fanfics helps me through the withdrawals of not having new episodes. Keep up the great work. Also, a thanks to all the other fanfic writers out there whose work I have enjoyed. You are too numerous to list everyone, but I bet you know who you are. Last, but not least, thanks to Gilberto David (Tuxedo Kamen) Grana and Tim Hunton for being patient enough to read my story and make some suggestions so hopefully it's near perfect by this time. 

Timeline: This story takes place a few days after Serena and Darien get back together, but before the end of Sailor Moon R.   


**Insecurities**   
_Part 1_   
By Corina "Mako" Borsuk   


On this sunny afternoon, a young couple strolled through the park. The dark haired man had his right arm wrapped protectively around the young girl as she leaned against him ever so slightly. To any casual observer, it would seem that everything was perfect for the pair, but things were far from perfect. 

"Serena, is something wrong? You seem a little distracted." 

It took a few, noticeable moments before the blond looked up in response. "I'm fine Darien, really. Everything is fine," she said quietly. 

Darien wasn't convinced. He knew something was bothering her. He just didn't know what. Ever since he met her after class, she'd been quiet and withdrawn. Even when he suggested a trip to the arcade or the maltshop, she had remained silent. This wasn't like Serena at all and it worried him. 

After everything he had put her through the last few weeks, all the pain and heartache, he wanted to do everything he could to make her happy. He couldn't do anything, though, if he didn't know what was wrong. That just meant he'd have to try again. He owed Serena that much and more. 

"Are you sure you're ok? You're not sick or," here Darien paused. When he continued, his tone was more subdued. "Or mad at me for breaking up with you before?" Suddenly, Serena had him in a vice-like hug, which almost knocked Darien to the ground. Regaining his balance, he wrapped his arms around Serena and returned the hug. 

"Of course I'm not mad at you muffin. I know you just did it to protect me." The two maintained the embrace for a few more moments before resuming their walk. As they continued on, both were lost in thought. Darien was reassured that Serena wasn't upset with him, but he wasn't satisfied that she was all right. She had lapsed back into silence with a serious, worried expression etched on her beautiful face. 

Suddenly, Serena began to shiver and Darien could almost feel her confusion and fear. In response, he held her just a little tighter. He wanted so badly to comfort her, to make right whatever was wrong. It hurt him a little that she didn't confide in him, but he wouldn't force things. For now, all he could do was be there for her. That would have to be enough. 

Suddenly, the silence was broken as Serena, in a quivering voice, asked, "Darien, do you love me? I mean, really love me?" 

So, that's what's bothering her, thought Darien. He should have guessed. After the break-up, it wasn't surprising she would be a little insecure about their relationship. Even before that, Serena had often asked that question. It didn't surprise or offend him, not anymore. The first few times she'd asked, Darien was disappointed that she had so little faith in his love. Now he knew she asked not because she doubted him, but because she doubted herself. 

Darien had never known anyone with as little self-confidence as Serena. She doubted every action, every decision. It was even worse when she was Sailor Moon. She had no faith in herself or her abilities. Once, Serena even admitted to him she didn't think she was worthy of being Sailor Moon or the moon princess. Darien took it upon himself to encourage her whenever he could. That was one of the reasons he gave those speeches as Tuxedo Mask. Even he had to admit they were sometimes a bit corny, but it was important Serena learn to believe in herself. 

So, when she asked him if he loved her, Darien knew she was really doubting her own self worth. He also knew the best and only way to snap her out of this was to reassure her that he did indeed love her. 

Darien came to a stop, Serena stopping with him. Her head was bowed down as she stared at the ground. Darien cupped her chin in his hand and gently lifted her head up to face him. He waited until she was looking him in the eyes before speaking. 

"Serena, you should know by now that no matter what happens, I will always be your prince and you will always be my princess." Darien expected Serena's usual reaction, a hug or at least a smile, but the response he received shocked him more than words could say. 

Serena stiffened in his arms, tears welling up in her beautiful blue eyes. She began to sob, deep, wracking sobs. She pushed herself from his arms, turning to face him. The pained look in her eyes tore at Darien's soul. Tentatively, he reached out to her, but she pulled away. 

"It's true, isn't it?" Serena asked between broken sobs. "You don't really love me. You never did. I always knew you could never love a stupid, clumsy, crybaby like me. Raye was right, you only protect me because you think you have too, because of what was. Well, you don't have to pretend anymore. I won't expect you to come to my rescue or be nice to me or anything ever again!" 

Darien just stood there, staring at Serena. He didn't understand what was going on, not a word. All he knew was Serena was deeply upset and he wanted to take her in his arms and comfort her. He took a slow step toward her, whispering her name. Just before his fingers could wipe away the tears running down her cheek, Serena gave one last sob, turned and raced away. For a moment, Darien was too stunned to do anything but watch. When it finally hit him, he raced after her at top speed. Serena was already in the street by the time he reached the corner. He winced as a car just barely managed to miss hitting her. By the time he made it across the street, Serena was nowhere in sight. 

Darien leaned against a wall a sighed. He still didn't understand what had upset Serena so much. And what in the world had she been talking about? Of course he loved her. And what did she mean he could stop pretending? None of it made any sense. He had to find Serena and find out what was going on. Darien closed his eyes, concentrating, counting on the fact he would be able to sense where she was, just as he always did. He got a sense of her general direction, but before he could pinpoint her, his eyes snapped open. 

"Raye was right." 

He distinctly remembered Serena saying that Raye was right, but right about what? Somehow, Darien knew that when he found the answer to that, he would know what was wrong with Serena. That decided, he pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning against and headed for the Cherry Hill Temple. 

********** 

As Darien walked up the steps to the Cherry Hill Temple, the first thing he saw was a raven-haired beauty wearing the traditional garb of a Shinto priestess. The girl was down on her knees, her palm open as two midnight black ravens literally ate right out of her hand. Darien shook his head, knowing the birds would probably flee as soon as he approached, but it couldn't be helped. He had to talk to her. 

When Darien was a few feet from the top of the steps, the two birds predictably winged off at his approach. Raye looked up and waved at Darien, even as she began getting to her feet. "Hi Darien. If you're looking for Serena, she isn't here." 

"Actually Raye, I was just with Serena and that's why I need to talk to you." 

"You need to talk to me?" Raye asked, a little flustered. "Well, uh, sure. Follow me." She led him to the patio and motioned for him to sit beside her. Patiently, she waited for Darien to say what was on his mind. 

"Look Raye, Serena's really upset about something and I think you can tell me what it is." 

"Me? How would I know what upset that Meatball Head. Maybe she lost her comic books again." 

"Raye, I'm serious. She was really upset. She started sobbing and . . . and then she ran away from me." 

"She what? She ran from you?" 

"Yeah, but before that she said something about you being right." 

"Well, of course I'm right. It's about time that ditz realized that." The look Darien gave her made her snap her mouth shut. When she continued, she was much more serious. "Right about what?" 

"I was hoping you could tell me." 

"Well, what else did she say?" 

"Something about how I never loved her, how I could stop pretending. But I have no idea what she's talking about." 

Raye was starting to get an idea what this was all about, but she wanted to be sure before she said anything to Darien. "What were you two talking about before that?" 

"Uhm, she was sort of depressed and she asked if I loved her." 

"What did you say?" 

"I told her I loved her, of course," Darien said indignantly, after all, what else did Raye think he would say. Except he hadn't actually said the words I love you, he admitted to himself, but Serena knew what he meant. 

"What else, exactly?" 

"I told her she would always be my princess and I would always be her prince, why?" 

"Damn, that Meatball Head would pick now to listen to me." 

"Listen to you about what? What's going on?" 

"Yesterday, Serena and I had a fight. She got on my nerves and I guess I said some things I shouldn't have. I told her . . ." Raye paused, not wanting to admit to Darien what she'd done. She was ashamed of herself for causing him and Serena pain they certainly didn't need. They both had been through more than their share of heartache in recent weeks and here she was adding to it. 

"I said you didn't really love her. I told her you only stayed with her because you thought you had to, because she's the princess. And that's why you rescued her as Sailor Moon too. If you really loved her, you would have loved her before you knew she was Sailor Moon and the princess. I told her you were too smart and sophisticated to love some stupid crybaby." 

"Why Raye? Why would you say something like that?" 

"Because I had enough of everyone always codling her and helping her when she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself. Because I'm tired of her not taking her duty as Sailor Moon seriously, because we always have to bail her out of trouble. There are a dozen reasons that I was angry with her that day, but mostly it was because I was jealous that she has you and I don't!" Raye's eyes began to shimmer with unshed tears and she turned to flee inside the temple before Darien could see. Darien was faster, grabbing her arm and holding her there. 

"Raye, I'm sorry. I never knew you felt that way. To me, we were just friends. Serena's the only girl I could ever love." 

"How could you not know?" Raye shouted. "It was painfully obvious to everyone else, even Serena. She was even jealous for awhile. But I guess I should have expected that from you. You've always been good at keeping yourself at a distance from everything and everyone. The only problem with that is that when you finally want to get close, you don't know how, do you? 

"I know I was wrong. I don't have any claim to you and don't worry, I won't let my feelings come between you and Serena anymore. But I'm not the only one to blame. You're just as responsible for this as I am." 

Now it was Darien's turn to be angry, but his was a quieter, colder anger. "I don't see how this is my fault. You were the one who intentionally hurt one of your best friends. You're the one who let jealousy cloud your judgement. Serena and I are the victims here." 

"Serena yes, you, Darien, no. Think about it for just a second. Would Serena have believed a single thing I said if you hadn't given her reason to doubt your love?" 

"You know I broke up with Serena for her own protection. I never wanted to hurt her." 

"Never wanted to hurt her, or never wanted to hurt yourself? I'm not just talking about the break up, although I have to wonder why you didn't trust Serena enough to share your fears with her. I'm talking about everything, like the way you keep yourself at a distance from her, physically and emotionally." 

"I don't . . ." 

"Oh, please. You know perfectly well what I'm talking about, even if you don't want to admit it. I've seen the two of you together. I've seen the way you back away from her, separate yourself from her when people are around. Even when you think you're alone, you hold back, as if you're afraid to really hold her close. And you hold back your heart too. I know Serena shares just about everything with you, her hopes and dreams, her fears. She trusts you without question, without reservation, but you don't return that trust. You hold back, never revealing to her your true feelings. You hide everything behind references to the past, or evasive answers. Ask yourself, how many times have you ever just held Serena in your arms and told her that you love her, right now, unconditionally? Have you ever just opened up to her and shared yourself, your soul, with her as she so readily does with you? 

"I don't think you have because I don't think you can. I think inside you're just a little boy who's terrified to let anyone in because you might be hurt like you have before. You've built walls around your heart to protect you from being hurt, but those same walls drive away any chance at happiness and love. They separate you from everyone, preventing you from trusting, from caring too deeply because you believe that can only lead to pain, but the pain comes from not trusting, not loving. If you're not careful, you'll lose the one thing that has brought any real joy to your life. Serena may be one of the most trusting and giving people I know, but no one can continue to give so much of themselves without getting a little something in return. So you had better learn to break through the walls around your heart, learn to give Serena the love she so desperately needs and deserves, because if you don't, you may lose her forever." 

All the time Raye was saying this, Darien had maintained his grip on her arm, but when she stopped, he let go as if his hand was on fire. He wanted to deny every word Raye just said, but he couldn't. The words rang too true, too close to home. She was right, he had held back, trying to keep his true feelings hidden so he couldn't be hurt. So instead, he had hurt the one person in the world who made him happy, who brought light to his life, the person he loved more than life itself. But maybe, if he was lucky, maybe it wasn't too late to set things right, to tell Serena what was truly in his heart. 

"Thank you Raye. I know what I have to do now." With that, Darien turned and walked away. 

**********   


continued in part 2 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and never will. I'm just using the characters without permission. 

Author's Note: This part is dedicated to Jennifer Wand. I just love her story "Darien's View" and if you haven't read it, you should. Also, be sure to check out her Tuxedo Mask Shrine.   


**Insecurities**   
_Part 2_   
By Corina "Mako" Borsuk 

Knock, knock. 

Darien stood outside Serena's house, waiting for someone to answer the door. He knew she was inside, he could feel her presence, just as he always did. He just hoped he would have a chance to make things right. 

Suddenly, the door flew open and Darien was face to face with Serena's little brother, Sammy. They had met a few times before, once at the virtual reality theater and again when Darien and Serena had brought Rini home. During those brief encounters Darien had gotten the feeling that while Sammy teased Serena about their relationship, Sammy kind of liked him. That image was shattered when Darien looked in the young boys eyes, which practically radiated hate. 

Darien began to feel more than a little nervous. He hadn't even considered that Serena's family would be hostile towards him, although he should have guessed. After all the misery he'd put her through the last few weeks, it was a good bet he wasn't on their list of favorite people and this latest incident wasn't likely to help any. Still, he had to talk to Serena and this wasn't something that could wait. 

"Sammy, could I come in? I need to talk to Serena." 

"I don't think so. She doesn't want to talk to you and even if she did, I wouldn't let you in. Serena doesn't need you. All you do is hurt her and she can do better than you. So why don't you just turn around and leave?" Sammy was practically shouting at Darien. He didn't care that Darien was older or bigger than he was, he had no right to treat Serena the way he did. For weeks she was depressed over this guy and just when everything seemed to be okay, he breaks her heart again. Sammy might not admit it to anyone, including himself, but Serena was his sister and he loved her. So if this guy thought Sammy was going to let him hurt her again, he had another thing coming. 

Before Darien could respond, Serena's mother came walking up behind Sammy. She eyed him coolly, but without the obvious hatred Sammy had. Darien couldn't be sure, but when he looked in her eyes, he thought he saw sadness, concern and another emotion he couldn't quite place. His only hope was that she would be more understanding than Sammy had been. 

"What's going on Sammy?" 

"It's just that jerk Darien, but don't worry mom, I'll get rid of him." 

Ignoring Sammy, Darien addressed Serena's mother and silently prayed she would understand. "Please Mrs. Tsukino, I need to talk to Serena. It's important. I know she's upset, but it was all a misunderstanding and I've come to make things right." 

Irene Tsukino was silent for a moment, but when she spoke, her voice held a tinge of sadness in it. "She's been crying since she got home. She's devastated because the person she loves most in the world doesn't love her in return. Her heart is broken, her dreams shattered and the only person who can make it right is the one person who keeps causing her so much pain. I know you say it was all a misunderstanding, and maybe it was. But what about last time, was that a misunderstanding too? Are you just toying with Serena's affections or do you genuinely care for her?" 

For a moment, Darien just stood there, unsure what to do. Then, slowly, he began to speak, not even truly aware of what he was saying until the words rang in his ears. "I love Serena more than my own life. I know I hurt her, but I never meant to. She's everything to me and I'm sorry. I need to tell her, please. I need to ask, no beg, her forgiveness." 

Even as he said the words, Darien's eyes pleaded with her to understand. She saw the pain, the longing behind the gaze and recognized it. It was a mirror of the pain she had seen in her daughter's eyes. Irene Tsukino could not deny that this boy loved her daughter. She only hoped he wouldn't hurt Serena again. Nodding, she motioned for Darien to come inside and follow her up the stairs. 

As he walked in, he could feel Sammy staring daggers at his back and he could sense Irene's doubts. He only prayed he could prove to them and to Serena that his love was real and true. He prayed that he could be the man Serena needed him to be. If he couldn't, he feared he might lose her forever and that was something he would never get over. 

All of this flashed through Darien's mind in the time it took to walk up the stairs and down the hall to Serena's room. Although he had never been inside the Tsukino house before, he recognized Serena's room immediately because of the small sign hanging on the door with the face of a bunny on it. She loved bunnies. He remembered her squeals of delight when she'd seen that pink sweater with the little white bunnies in the store window. He often wondered if Bunny wouldn't have been a more appropriate name for her. But no, Serena was perfect because he felt so serene when she was in his arms. 

The memory made him smile, but the smile soon faded to a look of pain and sadness as he heard Serena's muffled sobs through the door. I did this to her, he thought. I've hurt her again. Maybe I don't deserve her, maybe she'd be better off without me. No, his heart screamed at him. She needs you. YOU need her. You can't just give up on her. Darien knew his heart was right. He had to try to make things right, no matter what. 

His revere was broken when Irene softly knocked on her daughter's door. "Serena, honey, you have a visitor." 

"Go away," Serena mumbled between broken sobs. 

Darien only barely heard her, but what he did hear, clearly, was the pain in her voice. He wanted to run away, hide from what he'd done to her, but at the same time, he wanted so desperately to hold her in his arms and comfort her. He was so scared, scared of being hurt, scared of losing her. He began to think of a dozen different ways to apologize. Maybe he could blame it all on Raye. That would be easy and safe. Serena would forgive him, just as she always did and things could go back to normal. 

Then Raye's words floated through his mind, "Learn to give Serena the love she so desperately needs and deserves, because if you don't, you may lose her forever." He couldn't take the safe way out, he had to be honest, to expose his feelings or risk losing the only person who gave his life meaning. 

Darien hadn't even noticed Irene tentatively open Serena's door and glance inside. He did feel her lightly touch his shoulder and motion him inside, then quietly close the door behind him. As he walked in, the sight that filled his whole vision was that of Serena, sprawled across her bed, face buried in a pillow, her slight frame shaking violently from crying. He tried to speak, but the words caught in his throat and all he could manage was a strangled whimper.   


Serena never even heard him, or simply choose not to acknowledge him, but the room's other occupant reacted to the sound. She had been nuzzled against Serena, wordlessly trying to offer comfort to her charge, but failing. When she heard Darien, she spun around and eyed him coldly. Lightly leaping to the floor, Luna quietly hissed at Darien, looking up at him with a mixture of sadness and anger in her feline eyes. 

"Get out," she whispered sadly. "Get out of here. Haven't you done enough? I don't know what it was this time, and to be honest I don't care. Just leave her alone." 

"Luna, you don't understand. It was a mistake. I never meant . . . Please Luna, if ever you've trusted me, trust me now. I need a few minutes alone with Serena. Please," he implored. 

Without a word, Luna jumped back on the bed and then onto the window ledge. Before leaving through the open window, she turned back and gave Darien one final warning. "If you hurt her again, I, the Scouts, her family, we will never forgive you." 

Taking a deep breath, Darien knelt down beside Serena's bed and whispered to himself, "And neither will I." 

********** 

"Serena?" When she didn't respond, he tried again. "Serena, it's me, Darien. Please, just talk to me." Again nothing. 

Gently, he reached out, lightly brushing a few stray strands of golden hair away from her face. Violently Serena jerked back, her side hitting the wall with an audible thump. Still she didn't look up. She just kept her face buried, hiding from him. Darien winced, saddened and terrified that she would react to him that way. Is it too late, he wondered. No, he answered himself. It can't be too late. I won't lose her. 

Taking a deep breath, Darien settled next to Serena's bed. He still wasn't sure what to say, but he knew that somehow he had to make her understand how he felt. "Serena, I know why you're upset. I went and talked to Raye and she told me everything. But you have to know she was wrong. I know I don't say it often enough, don't show you how I feel, but I do love you Serena, with all my heart. Prince Endymion loved Princess Serenity, Tuxedo Mask loves Sailor Moon, but I love you. Do you understand? I love you Serena." 

Nothing. Nothing but her tears. Nothing but her sobs. And it was that nothing that was breaking his heart. He couldn't tell her how he felt because he just didn't know how. He had no practice in expressing his feelings. In fact, he'd worked most of his life to hide his emotions from everyone. Now that lifetime of hiding to keep himself safe had become his worst enemy. He didn't know if he could ever explain the warmth and joy Serena brought to his existence, but he had to try. 

"Serena, do you remember the day we first met, when you hit me with your test paper? I do. I remember because it was the day I finally got to talk to you, even if I did come across as a jerk. See, even though that was the first time you saw me, it wasn't the first time I laid eyes on you. I don't really remember the exact day I first saw you, I only remember how you always seemed to be at the arcade whenever I was visiting Andrew. I remember how you'd shout at the Sailor V video game when you lost, and how you made those eyes at Andrew. Most of all, I remember that in all the times we were at the arcade together, you never once even noticed I was there. 

"At first I hated you. You had everything I always wanted. You had lots of friends and you enjoyed life so much. I'd watch you quietly as you bubbled with enthusiasm over the latest video game or the newest gossip. The more I found out about you from Andrew, the more jealous I became. Jealous that you had the kind of life I always wanted. You had a family and friends that loved you, you had a life filled with happiness and fun. All I ever had was pain and heartache. All I ever had was myself . . . and Andrew. He was my only friend." Darien's voice began to crack in remembered pain. The loneliness had threatened to consume him at times. Andrew's friendship had kept him from complete despair, but only Serena could make him forget the pain and loneliness of all those years. He needed her love so desperately, so he prepared to bare his soul. 

"But the more I watched you, the harder it was to hate you. You were so full of life and love. Your joy was contagious and I watched as you spread your happiness to everyone around you. I watched you take the time to cheer-up your friends or offer a shoulder to cry on. And suddenly, instead of hating you, I was awed by you. I had never seen such a caring, sympathetic person in my entire life. I didn't understand how anyone could give so much of themselves so freely. I guess I still don't. 

"Slowly, my feelings for you began to change. I found myself hanging around the arcade even more, just hoping I could catch a glimpse of you. Without knowing when it happened or why, I was thinking about you all the time. I could hear your laughter when I sat alone in my apartment. I saw your face every time I closed my eyes. It was both exciting and terrifying at the same time. I didn't understand what I was feeling or why. Never in my entire life had I been interested in a girl, not to the point of distraction. But there I was, infatuated with a fourteen year-old girl who didn't even know I was alive. 

"When you hit me with that test paper, it was like a dream come true and a nightmare. I finally had an excuse to talk to you. But I fell into all my old habits, presenting a cold, uncaring facade to keep you at bay, just as I did with everyone else. It was just so much easier to make sure you never wanted to get to know me. That way I wouldn't have to let you in. I wouldn't have to risk rejection, loss, loneliness. Except I hated myself for what I did. And yet, I couldn't stop it. Every time I saw you, I just kept pushing you away. 

"Do you have any idea how much it hurt me, knowing that you hated me and it was all my fault? How much it hurt to know you cared about Andrew more than me? Yes, I was jealous. I wouldn't admit it then, not even to myself, but I was jealous. Andrew didn't even have to try and you fawned all over him. I wanted to be the one you gave your attention to, the one you stared at with those adoring eyes. So I teased you even more because at least then you looked at me, noticed me. 

"And then, Raye came along. She was a distraction I guess. I never loved her, she was just a friend, someone to hang out with to take my mind off you. If I'd been honest with myself, I would have realized I dated her just to be closer to you. I knew you two hung out together all the time and I thought that maybe, if I was with Raye often enough, just maybe I could spend more time with you. I never intentionally meant to use Raye, but I guess that's what I did." Darien's voice trailed off for a moment as the realization hit him. Never had it occurred to him that he had used Raye like that, not until he said it and made it real. Now wasn't the time for that, though. He would have to apologize to Raye later. Right now, he needed desperately to save his relationship with Serena, so he continued his confessions. 

"And there were the dreams, the dreams of a princess who needed me desperately. I felt like I betrayed her by thinking about you. I felt I betrayed my feelings for you by dreaming about her. Then I found out I was Tuxedo Mask and things got more complex. I knew I had to protect Sailor Moon, but I didn't understand why. She seemed so familiar somehow, as if I knew her and yet she was a complete mystery. I couldn't understand how I could feel so strongly about these three girls and yet know nothing about them. I wasn't even sure what I was feeling. I only knew it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I was so confused, so torn and at the center of everything were your smiling face and beautiful blue eyes." Darien paused for a moment as he saw Serena slowly turn her head to glance at him before burying her face in her pillow again. He took that as a sign and continued his story. 

"Every time I saw you, I fell more in love with you. Do you remember when Lonnie--I mean Peggy-- asked us to pose for her? I do. The whole time we sat posing for the portrait, I kept glancing at you. You were beautiful. You ARE beautiful. 

"That day, when I saw how much you cared for Peggy--even though you hardly knew her--I knew that I loved you. I knew that you were the one who could end the loneliness and heartache. Just being near you sparked something in me I couldn't explain. Somehow, I knew that it was only a glimpse of how you could change my life. And yet, I couldn't quite bring myself to admit those feelings. I was still so afraid and so confused. My duty was to Sailor Moon and the Princess, but my heart belonged to you. 

"And then came that day. The day I discovered that all of them were you. There was no more confusion, no more fear. You were the girl I loved, without question. And I knew, then and there, that you loved me. I didn't have to be afraid anymore because I knew you would never hurt me. 

"But I have hurt you. I've caused you so much pain that I never meant to. And for that, I am so sorry. Despite everything I have done, there is one thing I haven't done. I have never stopped loving you. Raye was right when she said I protect you out of duty. A duty I placed on myself. I protect you, not because you're Sailor Moon, not because you're the moon princess, but because I love you. 

"Before you came into my life, I only existed. I was never truly alive. I don't think I can ever explain how alone I was. My world was grey and lifeless. But you brought light and color to my life. You taught me how to enjoy life, how to live. I can never repay you for that. And that is why I protect you. Without you, without your love, I have nothing. I am nothing. I couldn't bare to live without you, and that is why I would willingly give my life for yours. It's a selfish reason, I know, but it's true. 

"So please Serena, please say you forgive me. Please take me back. Without you, I have no life. I'll do anything to prove my love for you. Set me a task, anything. Just please take me back." The last words were a whisper, a desperate plea. Darien was out of luck, out of ideas. If this didn't work, he feared she was lost to him. 

Just as his last hope faded away, Serena turned. Slowly, she sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. Darien looked at her expectantly, not even daring to breath. He sat, staring at her, as in a chocked voice, she asked, "Did you really mean all that? Was it true?" 

"Oh God yes!" he said, jumping up and throwing his arms around her. "Every word and more. I don't think I could ever say in words just how important you are to me." 

Still hugging her knees to her chest, Serena tilted her head up to look into Darien's deep blue eyes. "Then tell me without words," she whispered. Darien didn't even think. Pulling her as close to him as he could, he bent his head down until his lips met hers. 

Darien kissed Serena with every ounce of love and passion he had. Behind that kiss were all the fears and insecurities, all the longing and loneliness he had ever suffered and more importantly, all of the strength and security he discovered when Serena entered his life. 

When their lips finally parted, Serena was gasping for air, her head spinning with the intensity of Darien's emotions. She couldn't speak. Instead, she embraced Darien in a fierce hug, pressing her face against his chest. Her head rested just below his chin, allowing Darien to bury his face in her hair. He inhaled her sweet scent, pulling her even closer to him. 

Gently, he began to stroke her back. "I'm so sorry Serena. I love you more than anything and you should never have had to doubt that. I swear, you'll never have to again." Gently he brushed his lips across her forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. Then he began to repeat it over and over, like a mantra, as he gently rocked Serena back and forth. 

"Shhh, Darien. It's okay. I understand now. I'm sorry too. I should have had more faith in your love. I just didn't believe that someone smart and sophisticated like you would want a silly, stupid girl like me." 

Sighing sadly, Darien looked Serena in the eyes. "Serena, please don't say that about yourself. You are not silly or stupid. You are sweet, funny, caring, loyal, giving . . ." Darien's voice trailed off as he shook his head. "There aren't enough words to describe what a wonderful person you are. I wish you had half the faith in yourself that you have in everyone else. It hurts me when I hear you talk about yourself that way. Please, Serena, for me, please try to believe in yourself." 

"I'll try," she said hesitantly. Satisfied, Darien pulled her close for another kiss. 

For long moments after that, no words were shared between them. They just held each other tightly, happy to be together. But it couldn't last forever. Reluctantly, Serena pulled away from Darien's fierce embrace. "You better go before mom wonders what's going on," she said simply. He nodded silently, then gave her another tender kiss before leaving her room, and the Tsukino household. 

********** 

_Not quite the end - read the epilogue_


	3. Epilogue

Author's Note: This part is dedicated to David (Tuxedo Kamen) Grana. When I started this story, he asked me to try and explain the different attitudes of Darien as Tuxedo Mask and the Moonlight Knight. I couldn't find a way to fit it in earlier, so I wrote this epilogue. Also, this ended up being a little longer than planned, so I hope you like it.   


**Insecurities**   
_Epilogue_   
By Corina "Mako" Borsuk 

"Darien!" At the sound of his name, the young man turned, bracing himself for the impact that was coming. Sure enough, a blond bundle of energy barreled into him, nearly knocking him to the ground. 

"I'm glad to see you too Serena." 

"Really?" she asked, looking at him in wide-eyed rapture. 

"Really." 

"Does that mean we can go on a boat ride in the park?" 

"If you want. But first, I have to drop some stuff off at a friends. Do you mind?" 

"Nope, as long as I get to be with you," she enthused. As Darien led the way, Serena continued to gaze at him. Leaning in closer, she let out a soft sigh. "I like this," she said simply. 

"What?" Darien asked, a puzzled expression on his face. 

"Being near you," she answered. When she realized what she had just said, Serena began to blush in embarrassment. "I mean . . . that is, uh . . ." she stammered. 

"It's okay. I know what you mean, and I like it too." 

The two walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence. Darien kept his arm around Serena, liking the feel of her soft, warm body next to his. The moment was perfect. It was what he'd always wanted; to be with Serena. No fighting, no danger, no pain or confusion, just the chance to be with her. Darien decided it was something he could get used to. Something he was already used to. 

Breaking out of his daydream, Darien stopped and looked up. "Well, here we are. Just a little longer and I'll take you on that boat ride. Okay?" Serena nodded her head enthusiastically in response, making her hair flap like rabbit ears. 

A few moments and several flights of stairs later, Serena was standing outside an apartment, trying to wait patiently for someone to answer the door. Finally, after Darien knocked for the third time, the door flew open. "Sorry you had to wait. I guess I fell asleep," Serena heard the nameless, but apologetic voice say. "That's what I get for staying up late studying, huh?" 

"No problem. I just wanted to return these books. Thanks for the loan." 

"No problem Darien, especially considering all the help you've given me." Suddenly, the guy slapped his hand to his head. "Oh man, I am so rude. Would you and, uh . . ." 

"Sorry," Darien replied. "I should have introduced you. Matt, this is my girlfriend Serena. Serena, this is Matt." 

"Nice to meet you," Matt said, extending his hand to shake Serena's. But Serena didn't notice right away. She was too busy staring at Darien. When she finally regained her composure, she grabbed Matt's hand, shaking it vigorously. By way of an apology, she shot him one of her trademark, dazzling Serena smiles. Returning the greeting, Matt waved them in. "The place is a bit of a mess, but come on in." 

"Sorry, but we can't stay. We've got other plans," Darien said. 

After a quick goodbye, Serena and Darien turned to leave. Once they were well out of earshot, Serena turned to Darien. "You introduced me as your girlfriend," she said quizzically. 

Hesitantly, Darien responded. "I guess I did. Does that bother you?" 

"No. I liked it. It made me feel," here Serena paused, searching for the right word. "Good. It made me feel good. But you've never done that before." 

"I know. Do you remember yesterday, when I told you that you would never have to doubt my love again? Well, that's what I meant. I want to show you, in little ways and big ways, just how much I care about you." 

"But, Darien, I don't want you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable." 

"Serena, you don't make me uncomfortable. I do." Looking into her sweet, but confused eyes, Darien knew she didn't understand. "I love you, but this is all so new to me. Having a girlfriend, caring about someone this way. I just don't know what to do or how to react. I'm afraid to say or do the wrong thing, so I just never said or did anything. It's my own insecurities that make me feel uncomfortable, not you. Understand?" 

"Not really. I mean, you always know the right thing to say as Tuxedo Mask." Suddenly, a silly grin broke out on Serena's face. "And you were waaaaay romantic as the Moonlight Knight." 

"It's not the same," Darien tried to explain. "As Tuxedo Mask, I never really say much." With a glint in his eyes, he continued. "You just think it's romantic because I come out of nowhere to rescue you. Sometimes, I think you get in trouble just so I have to save you." 

"That's not true! I mean . . . I would never . . . You can't think," Darien put a finger to her lips, cutting her off. 

"I was just teasing. But seriously, other than saving you from danger and giving you a few words of encouragement, I never really say or do much. As Tuxedo Mask, I could HIDE behind the mask. It protected me, the same way I used insults to protect me." 

"But, your words always give me the strength to keep fighting. Even when I want to give up, or when I think there's no hope, you give me hope. Without you, I would have lost to the negaverse a long time ago." 

Darien pulled Serena closer, for a moment overwhelmed by her words. He knew how much she meant them, and that made him both happy and afraid. It made his heart soar to know that he was such an important part of her life. She needed him. For a man who had spent most of his life trying to avoid needing anyone or being needed in return, somehow being needed suddenly seemed very important to him. 

But her words also made him afraid. Serena's greatest strength, what made her more powerful than the others, wasn't just her royal heritage. It was her unwavering loyalty and love. He knew, without a doubt, she would sacrifice anything to protect not just those closest to her, but everyone. But without confidence in herself and her own abilities, she was setting herself up for failure. She depended on him so much--to be her courage, her confidence. He was terribly afraid that one day, he wouldn't be there when she needed him. That somehow he would fail her, and she would be lost to him. 

"But, I still don't get it," Serena said, breaking into Darien's thoughts. "I think you're romantic as Tuxedo Mask. And I think you were even more--what's the word?--de-mon-stra-tive, as the Moonlight Knight." 

"The Moonlight Knight was different Serena, very different. He wasn't real. Not really." 

"I know, but he said he was you; your memories, your feelings. Wasn't he?" 

"Yes and no." Darien sighed. He wasn't sure he could explain this to Serena when he didn't quite understand it himself. "The Moonlight Knight had my memories of the Moon Kingdom. He had my memories of being Tuxedo Mask and Prince Endymion. But he wasn't me, not the man I am now. He didn't have the memories or emotions of the little boy in the orphanage, of the lonely young man with no family. Those memories, those feelings were still inside me. Do you understand?" 

"I think so," Serena said hesitantly. "Being alone and not having a family made you sad, and you never stopped being sad. But Muffin, you don't have to be sad anymore. You're not alone. You have Andrew and Raye and Amy and Lita and Mina and even that guy Matt. They're all your friends. And I promise that as long as you want, I'll be here for you. I'm your family now, and I promise you'll never be alone again. So please don't be sad." At the last, she threw her arms around him, holding on as if she would never let go. And Darien hoped she never would. 

"Oh Serena, you do make me happy. Even when I'm sad, it's not as bad as it used to be because I know I have you." Darien's voice trailed off, but his thoughts kept going. As long as I have you, he thought, life is worth living. So I promise you and myself that I will do everything in my power never to give you a reason to leave me.   


_The End_


End file.
